


Always here

by catladyrene



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: All The Love, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 20:10:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15150908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catladyrene/pseuds/catladyrene
Summary: Junmeyon had a tiring day. Thoughts kept creeping in his mind. He couldn't control the panic that washed over him. Sehun, however, can.





	Always here

It had been a long day. Junmeyon left the dorms at 8 in the morning and it was now almost 8 in the evening, that he returned. He opened the door and came in quietly. His eyes where darted on the floor, shoulders slumped. He looked almost completly defeated by the exhaustion the day offered. _Hopefully, no one will notice._

He quickly greeted Chanyeol and Baekhyun in the living room, Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo in the kitchen and made his way to the bathroom for a shower. He was hoping it would comfort him, but all he felt was more tired. Lazily, he put on a t-shirt and some sweatpants and laid down in bed, praying for sleep to come quick. His roomate, Sehun, had a late dance practise with Jongin, so he had the room to himself for now.

He tossed and turned for half an hour, restlessness turning into tension, making sleep almost impossible at this point. Thoughts of the previous day creeped into his mind. Practise, meetings, all the stress a leader had to carry. Along with every observation and comment the managers made about him, he had to hear the ones about the rest of the members too. It was his responsibility as a leader to keep everyone in line, make sure they are doing well, not causing trouble, not getting too tired, feeling well and happy. _It has happened before, and not once._ That's what they told him. _You couldn't control things._ They were unhappy. And he didn't do anything to make things better. Therefore, _the blame was all his. It can't happen again._ Now the stress and worry started to overwhelm him, so he decided to go to the balcony of the living room. He could use some fresh air.

Getting outside, the cold winter air hit him in the face, making him feel relieved momentarily. He looked at the night sky, wishing for once Seoul's lights weren't so bright, so that he could actually see the stars. He sat on a balcony chair, resting his head on his palms, trying to stop the negative thoughts eating his mind. And yet, memories of those days came back uncontrollably. Kris announcing he's leaving, then Luhan, then Tao. Even Lay couldn't be with them now, for an unknown amound of time.

_They all left._

_He couldn't protect them._

_He failed them._

_And **he will fail again.**_

His breath started getting shorter and shorter, eyes welling up with tears. As the accusatory sentences replayed in his mind over and over, making his lungs ache and his heart race, he didn't even hear the balcony door being opened, the pair of hands gently rubbing his back.

_Sehun._

_Sehun was there. He was talking to him. What was he saying?_

"Hyung, are you ok?" A simple question. A compicated answer. "I can't breathe", was all Junmeyon could mutter.

The pair of hands moved from his back to his palm, fingers interlocking, eyes darted on his own, watching him closely, never leaving his face. "Sehunnie", he murmured pleadingly, all the panic and despair clear and unconcealed. "You are ok. Everything is ok. _I am here_.", he said soothingly. These were words Junmeyon needed to hear so badly, yet at his current state they brought up his fears even more. "You will leave, you will all leave me. And it will be my fault. It's my fault. I- I couldn't be a good leader, so they left.", he started blurting frantically.

With a swift movement, Sehun lifted his hyung - his best friend - in his arms, carrying him through the living room to their shared bedroom. He laid him down on his bed, lifting the covers and laying beside him before tucking them both under the blanket. He could feel Junmeyon holding him like a lifeline, grasping his t-shirt, burying his face in his chest. Sehun rubbed soothing circles in the older's back, whispering comforting words in his ear. _It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done. It was between them and the company. They all made their decisions. And we are not going anywhere. We are your family, we are not leaving you. Ever._ He repeated these words again and again, and slowly Junmeyon begun to relax, finally feeling the exhaustion, letting sleep take over him. He was in his best friends arms, feeling safe and taken care of.

Sehun relaxed as well. He knew these thoughs often haunted the older man, along with the stress and burden of being a leader. He knew Junmeyon loved them dearly and deeply, and after everything they had been through, the fear of losing them was unavoidable sometimes. Sehun kept telling him that he had nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, some nights it got too much and as actions spoke louder than words, he needed to be shown that his members were always there for him.

In the middle of the night, between calm breaths and intertwined arms, whispered promises of _I love you, I am always here_ , and _thank you_ were exchanged. And in the next morning they both carried on the day, feeling a little warmer, a little better.

**Author's Note:**

> First EXO fanfic. Kudos are more than welcome! 
> 
> Twitter: @/catladyrene


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